I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year and he’s a great guy.  Everything I’ve ever wanted…almost.  The only problem is in the bedroom.  He’s not exactly…big.  He’s a tad below average in penis size and I’d never tell him but I’m just not satisfied.  I rarely have an orgasm…only when he goes down on  me. And I would really prefer if he’d be a bit more aggressive.  But he’s sooo gentle all the time.  I have talked to him about this but so far it hasn’t helped.

He’d been talking about our future together and I get the feeling he might be working up to proposing but…I don’t know if I can live with mediocre sex for the rest of my life! Help!

From,
No Heat in the Bedroom

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Dear NHITB,

First, I’d like to encourage you to remember that you’re choosing a life partner.  Sex is important but it can take couples years to find their groove.  Don’t give up on him yet!

So, what can you do about heating things up in the bedroom now?

Have you considered watching porn together? Or even just something really hot? How about the 50 Shades of Grey movie if porn is a little too much for him (or you)? If you watch movies where the man is the aggressor it might give him some ideas.

It is possible that he actually prefers to not be the aggressor, too.  If that’s the case, maybe you could take turns. Play a game.  To make him more comfortable, you go first.  Have him lay on the bed and tell him that his goal is to not move, not make any sounds, not react.  Your goal is to make him do exactly that.  Then tease him, taunt him, manipulate him until he gives in and begs you to have your way with him.  If you’re not used to being the aggressor this will be good for you, too.

Next time, switch the tables.  Before it is his turn to be the aggressor though, give him some hints as to what you are hoping for.  Some sexy pics, links to stories you like.

The bottom line is, you can’t change him.  You can encourage him to try new things and you can try new things, but if he doesn’t want to change at all…you can’t force it.

Good luck!

Love,
Autumn