Dear Autumn

My boyfriend thinks I’m cheating. He’s always trying to look on my phone or on my laptop. He questions everything I say. He even followed me to a cafe one night when I went to meet a girlfriend. I don’t know how to convince him that I’m not seeing anyone behind his back. Help! What am I supposed to do?

Not Cheating

Dear Not Cheating,

I hate to tell you this but there’s not likely much you can do to convince him that you’re not cheating on him. Once someone has convinced themselves that their partner is cheating, everything will seem like evidence.  You don’t have to show him your phone or let him on you laptop to check out your emails or your Facebook account. You don’t have to worry over everything you say. And you shouldn’t be followed around.

(unless you are cheating, which I assume you’re not)

But, there may be a reason that he’s convinced that you’re cheating on him and getting that out in the open might help. He may have been cheated on in the past and is still not over that. Or he might be cheating on you. Guilty parties sometimes assume that their partner is cheating because it is them that is doing stuff that is not on the up and up. Sit him down and try to have a conversation with him.

If he won’t give up his suspicious ways, you may have to tell him that you can’t see him anymore. The sad truth is that suspicious people don’t usually stop being suspicious. They often continue their actions and it sometimes becomes worse. He may have control issues that he needs to address. The situation could even become abusive.

I’m not saying that you need to dump him. I’m simply saying that you need to carefully consider whether you want to be with someone that doesn’t trust you. I’m saying you should look for other signs of emotional abuse and decide if this is a relationship you want to be in for the long term.

Good luck,


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