Ladies, you know what I’m talking about here don’t you. You’re with a guy and you’re having a good time, then he get’s going and before you know it it’s all over. And you’re left lying there thinking, “What the hell?” You have to take charge of your own pleasure!
One of the first things to do if you’re going to take charge of your own pleasure is learn what gives you pleasure. Masturbation is critical for your satisfaction because it helps you learn what works for you and what doesn’t. Do you like it rough or soft? What are you fantasizing about when you touch yourself? Do you need toys or can you make yourself cum without them? What do you prefer? Learning how to make yourself come is so important and if you aren’t doing it already get started. At the very least you’ll have a good time.
Now the second part is to be able to tell your partner. Now if you blush and stutter the second your partner starts to talk about sex or when you bring up the subject you might have a problem. So start slowly. Have light, sexual conversations with your partner until you are more comfortable. Then start talking about fantasies. Maybe read or listen to some sexy stories. Get more comfortable talking about sex.
Once you’re comfortable with that it will be easier to suggest things in the bedroom.
“Move your hand up just a bit hon…”
“Umm that feels good but I like it when you…even more!”
“That’s good but if it was even harder it would be awesome…”
“Can we switch positions now? I bet it would feel great if we…”
Those are just a few ways that you can ask for what you want without being hurtful. I think that is one of the most important parts of being able to ask for what you want – find a way to do it without making your partner feel that they were doing something wrong. They might have been but the bed is not the place to make them feel that way.
The bottom line is that if you’re having bad sex it is up to you to change that. And if you’re partner just won’t pony up? Ditch him. Anyone that doesn’t care about your sexual satisfaction isn’t worth being with!