where your secret fantasies dare to be
by Tawny Maine
Once there was a time when I existed in innocence. I was young and vibrant before the plague of my clan evolved and conquered what had once been of my mortal life and virtue. Once, I was in love, but he loved another and bitterness danced in the havoc of my soul sacrificing me to the clutches of my curse.
His name was Ben, beautiful and kind Ben. While I was on the verge of an evil habitation, he ruled in the church of light. He loved the young, making it his life to teach the adolescents lessons in overcoming the darkness that surrounded them. He knew not of my fate and did little to reach out to the one that needed his lessons the most.
Quietly, I watched him preach. His appearance was unorthodox, as well as his religion. Beautiful chocolate brown hair hung below his shoulders and his face was what women dreamed of in the silence of sleep. Warm brown eyes peered out from beneath thick dark lashes that fanned outwards in their length. His voice was smooth whiskey that caressed the ears of the mesmerized congregation he addressed. He spoke of God and redemption and I prayed that I would find them both. More than anything, I prayed that he would be mine.
Often we ran in the same circles, meeting each other at different gatherings and seminars. He eluded me and I avoided him to play the game. When we shared moments alone, they were filled with silence and the air was thick with tension. Many times I would just stare at him with nothing to say, yet saying everything with my eyes. In those moments, I thought he would surrender to his body’s demands and take me despite his aversion to me, but he did not. As the darkness evaded my soul, I stopped participating in his spiritual illumination. Slowly, I drifted away and lost him to the one he loved. He gave her his heart, but I would always have his passion.
Now the curse dominates my life. I know it sounds unlikely, in fact impossible, but I can read your mind, anyone’s mind. Some consider this to be not a curse at all, but a rare and precious gift. Only when you have delved into the thoughts of another could you possibly understand the reality of this plague. I can see private thoughts that should not be unfolded or told to any soul. Darkness and grief, pain and anguish, and yes, sometimes joy. Very rarely do people ponder on the joy or beauty of life however, and I am mainly privileged to their worry, their anger and most of all, their hate. My gift has made me a famous song writer and it’s not coincidence that my fans say the same thing: “It’s as if she reads our minds, knows our hearts. You know, like she truly understands.”
My latest song, “Cries in the Dark,” has won an award and I am scheduled to accept this evening. However, this will not be the usual award ceremony of rockers and artists. This will be the big time. I chose to dress in black, my usual color of choice. My dress is simple and slight. The bodice exposes my back, but covers most of my front and flows into a very short sheer material. My midnight black hair is loose, hanging below my waist, and I used black eyeliner and shadow to accentuate my emerald green eyes. I know that I look sinister, but isn’t that the point?
Upon arrival, I do my usual dance with the photographers, smiling and posing for tomorrow’s story. My name is called and I accept my award with little speech. I explain that my speech is in my music and the crowd roars. I further thank my listeners and head back stage, eager to get the after ceremony reception over with. I like to be alone, without the violating thoughts and fears of others.
Finally, I am seated at my table listening to the pounding music of the party evolving before me. This is when I see him. Ben and his love, now his wife, are sitting at a table across the room. Well, why wouldn’t they be here? He was the music coordinator at the church and had always been a very gifted and ambitious singer.
“Shit,” I mumble and began to look for the quickest escape. I gathered my things quickly, hoping to remain unnoticed, but hear him.
“Is that…no, it can’t be.” Only he didn’t say this out loud, only in his thoughts. It’s too late for me to run, so I accepted the lines destiny had drawn. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, knowing that he had already excused himself from his table and was walking towards me.
“Shit, shit, shit. Damn, why now?” I exclaim silently and then he was there.
“Jane? Is that you?”
“Well, not to everyone,” I answered as I rose my eyes to meet his. I had used a pen name since I wrote my first song. Electricity charged through the air between us and waves of lust and greed quickened my pulse. I put all my effort into the conversation in attempts to block his thoughts. I focus on the music, the noise, and other thoughts, anything but his.
“Wow,” he said. “You’ve grown up. You’ve changed a lot.”
“Age will do that now, won’t it Ben? Look, I have to get some air,” I explain as I rose from the table and walked toward the back garden thinking please don’t follow me, please don’t follow.
“I was thinking the same. Let’s go.” Well, obviously he was going to follow.
As we walked toward the door, I thought how much he hadn’t changed. His hair was still long and age had treated him well, damn well. Why couldn’t he be fat and bald by now? Surely if he was fat and bald I wouldn’t be thinking about throwing him in the grass and fucking the spirituality right out of his life.
Being in the same room with Ben had always been hard for me, but being alone was unbearable. Hell, the man was a preacher and I thought of him naked in front of the podium more times than I could count. I had to get away; away from him and his knowingly kind eyes. Once we were in the garden, I quickened my pace. Abruptly, he stopped.
“Why are you running Jane?”
I halted and turned to him. Cocking my head to the side, I did a mental study of him. He had never been a suit and tie man. Even behind the podium he wore jeans and T-shirts, at times donning a jacket for appearances sake. Tonight he stood before me the same. I knew what lie beneath those jeans and it was not a bible. His legs were long and muscular. His T-shirt revealed strong biceps and deliciously tanned skin. This man was a wreck waiting to crash into my life. I couldn’t have it.
Deciding to be bitchy, I pursed my lips and taunted, “Why would I run Ben? There’s no one here to run from. The only thing I see is a meek preacher.”
Quietly, he approached me. Raising his hand he tenderly brushed a stray hair from my face.
“Life has been hard, huh Jane?”
“For some of us, yes. Some of us had to deal with the real world alone. I had to deal with reality. I couldn’t hide behind a bible and a cross Ben.”
“No, you were too busy hiding in shadows,” he replied.
I felt as if he’d struck me. I knew that hurt showed in my eyes and I turned my head to avoid his probing gaze.
He tucked his hand under my chin and turned my face back towards him. Tenderness and kindness showed on his face.
“I don’t want your pity. I don’t need your charitable kindness. I am dangerous. Don’t you see that? I know you are thinking that I am another soul needing to be saved, but I’m not. I don’t want, nor need a savior now, and you were too busy hiding in church when I did need one,” I spat at him. “Go back to your wife and home. Go back to your church where you belong. This isn’t your place.”
“Where I am needed is my place. Right now, you need me Jane.”
Who the hell does he think he is? The arch angel Michael? I had to show him. I had to make him leave, to run from the monstrosity I had become. I was venom and playing with me was poisonous.
I bored my eyes into his, staring at him with heat and intensity. Softly, I licked my lips and watched as his startled gaze dropped to my moistened lips.
“You want to play Ben? Tired of the wifey and kids? Bored of being a good boy?”
“No, I – I just wanted… Jesus Jane,” he stammered and backed up.
Too late. He had played with fire and it was time for him to feel the burn. Closer and closer I walked to him, slowly and predatorily. He stood there frozen, unable to move with his innocent gaze darting from my lips to my face. I glided inward toward him until a mere inch separated us. I could feel his breath on my face and I closed my eyes in remembrance and longing. Rising on my toes, I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed into him. My abdomen was flush against his hips and I relished in the prize of his erection. I had won and I didn’t have to read his thoughts to know that he wanted me.
He dropped his forehead onto mine, panting, “Please Jane, no.”
Then I dived into his mind. Memories of the past were swimming through his thoughts. The times he purposefully avoided me, other times when he would watch me without my knowing displayed themselves like watching a movie scene. Why? Why had he purposefully refrained from me? Before I realized it tears were streaming down my face.
“Oh Jane, don’t cry. Please don’t cry,” and then he was kissing their trail down my face. A tear glided down to the corner of my mouth and he gently pressed his lips to it. I turned my head and caught his mouth before he could escape.
Slowly, I licked his full, generous lips. He remained unmoved and I continued to pry his lips apart with my tongue. This is what I had wanted all my life; this man, this married, beautiful man with another life. I put everything I had into that kiss; my grief, my passion, and my heart. His lips parted and our tongues touched, glided over each other in the most exquisite kiss I had ever experienced. He moaned and placed both his hands on my ass, cupping and lifting it to fuse our bodies together as one.
Opening my lips further, I deepened the kiss, our tongues battling out a lifetime of regret and need. The current between us charged heatedly and I broke the kiss just long enough to plead, “I need you, Ben. Please, I have to have you. Please don’t say no this time.”
“Yes,” he whispered, but his mind said “only for now.” In this moment he would give me what I had always desired, all of him. I had always known that it would be him. No one else could ever satisfy my hunger. No one but Ben could still the raging fires consuming me. More than the here and now was too much to ask, and one night would never be enough.
He shakily began to unbutton my dress, exposing one tautly peaked nipple.
“God help me,” he pleaded desperately. “You are so beautiful. You’ve always been so beautiful.”
I placed my hands on each side of his face and whispered, “Just tonight. Only tonight, love me,” and I saw him surrender to me, to the force that had driven us together for so long.
“I’ve thought about you. I didn’t want to, but I could never forget.”
“Shh… don’t speak, don’t think, just be here with me.” I gently brought his head down to my aroused nipple, rubbing it softly against his lips. He used his teeth to tug on the swollen pink flesh, punishing me for his weakness.
The fire that brewed inside me swelled and settled into one heated throb at my center. “Yes,” I moaned. “Yes, take me.”
Desperately he sucked and kneaded my breast, drinking from the tincture I alone could provide him. Our love was angry, angry over the choices we both made, angry that this would be the one and only night our love could be free.
I released his hold on me to drop on both knees. Gripping his hips, I placed my mouth on the cock I had been denied for too long. I used my teeth, my tongue, my lips, and everything I had to pleasure him. Rubbing my mouth on the fabric of his jeans, I gave him everything I had to offer until I could free his proud member. Unzipping them, I pulled them lower and his dick stood hard and long in salutation. I had to taste him. His cum was the antidote I had endlessly thirsted for. I circled the swollen head with my tongue slowly, drawing out the inevitable end of our licentious affair.
“Oh God,” he cried pleading for mercy. I had no compassion to offer and continued my pleasured sampling of his cock. Trailing my tongue down the length of him, I stopped at his balls. Taking one soft plum into my mouth and sucking it gently, I basked in my power. Using my hand, I stroked him as I alternately sucked on each of the ripe balls exposed for my demanding appetite. His hips began to buck and I knew he craved more of my ravenous mouth. Raising my head, I placed my lips around his head, tugging it teasingly and offering a sacrificial promise of more. Lower and deeper I took him in, pulling and sucking in an insatiable drive for gratification and control.
“I’m going to cum love, you must stop,” he beseeched and pulled himself away from the exquisite torment of my mouth. “I want more for us. I want what we never had together.”
He lowered himself on his knees to face me and pulled me in to devour my heated mouth. Using his hand, he raised the hem of my tight dress and pulled it above my hips. His stormy eyes clashed with mine and in them I saw the erotic lover he could only be with me. Roughly, he pulled me to the ground and the current shifted. Panicking and no longer in control, I began to crawl away from him.
He pulled me beneath him stating, “This is what you’ve wanted. What you have teased and exploited yourself for. You’re not running now, it’s too late to turn back.”
Ferociously, he lowered his head again to my breast. He was no longer tender with me and the storm that had been brewing in his soul erupted to unleash a ruthless voracity. Tugging and sucking at my tender nipples, he drove me to madness. His hand lowered and found my pulsating clit.
My head jerked back and I moaned, “Yes, please, oh yes.”
He lowered his head between my legs and began to toy with the throbbing nub with his tongue. Licking it softly, he encircled the red peak of my pleasure. With one hand he disciplined my nipple, pinching the sensitive point while his tongue rubbed back and forth across my engorged clit.
I was losing control, spiraling into a feral abyss of urgent need. Gripping his head with my hands, I began to grind my altar of desire on his tongue. Bright colors began their brilliant dance behind my eyelids and thrashing I moaned, “Yes, more. Oh, yes suck me.” Suddenly the dancing lights merged and burst into one earth-shattering and violent orgasm.
Ben laughed triumphantly and ruthlessly, he grabbed my hips to shove his swollen member into my velvety sheath.
“No more,” I begged. “I can’t take anymore.”
“Yes, you can and you will. You were made for this Jane. You were made for me, now take all of me,” and with that he drove himself into me.
My body filled with sensations I had not experienced from other lovers. I was dangerously explosive, drowning in the violent need that consumed my mind, body, and soul. I met him thrust for thrust, drive for drive.
“God, Jane you are so warm, so wet. Your body is so hot, made for me.” He pounded and pounded as my hips thrashed in frenzied ecstasy.
“Fuck me Jane, this is what you’ve always wanted. Now fuck me!”
I was volatile, my clit tender and ravished, the fire inside brutal in its lust. We mated like animals, uncaring and unforgiving of each other. The heat was too hot to bear and we both exploded into the most delicious torment that only the other could satisfy.
“I love you,” I whispered silently.
“I know, I have always known,” he responded to my unspoken thoughts.
Yes, a lifetime was too much to ask for, and one night would never be enough. Ben walked away that night to return to his beloved family. That was safe and secure for his controlled world. I walked away knowing that he had cared for me too much long ago and so he had distanced himself from the danger I presented. I had one night with the man I have always loved and will love forever.
Republished by Blog Post Promoter
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