Do you ever wander through your life wondering what is wrong only to realize – nothing is wrong? In fact, you’re happy! Where the hell did that come from?
I don’t know if this is as strange of a feeling for other people as it is for me. But this is not my normal. And to be honest, it kind of freaks me out sometimes. This overwhelming feeling of contentment spooks me. I’m always looking around the corner for the boogeyman.
It’s not that my life is perfect now or anything. I’ve got the regular stressors. Money. I’m moving. I’m not where I want to be in my writing career yet.
But overall…happiness.
It’s not that I’ve never been happy before. I have. I was happy on the days that my children were born. I was happy on my wedding day. I was happy the day I closed on my house and the day I moved in. And lots of days in between.
But in between those days were lots of days when I was so occupied with other things that I didn’t know how to just be happy. Having toddlers, a crazy separation, being broke, a sick husband, his death. I know, they are normal life events. But all that stuff took over my life and I forgot to be happy.
I don’t even know if this makes any sense or not.
Since I started taking Ritalin though, I feel less lost in all of the stuff. I don’t stress about the normal life things. I just take one step at a time.
More often anyway.
I realized that this feeling that I have is happiness.