I’m having such a shitty day. The words aren’t coming and I feel like a total failure.
Unfortunately, days like this are not rare. Especially when it comes to the ghostwriting. There is so much pressure to hit my word counts each day. And then there are days where I can’t write a thing. I don’t know why. And then my word count milestones get higher and the pressure increases.
Some days I just want to quit.
The only thing that keeps me going and trying is that I DO NOT want to go back to my old job and I don’t want to go and get some job that is going to bore me to tears. I don’t want to waste my days making money for other people.
Making money for other people. That’s essentially what I am doing now, but for writing instead of waitressing.
But what is my choice? If I don’t ghostwrite, I can’t pay the bills. If I can’t pay the bills, I have to go and get a different kind of job I don’t want to do.
I know. I know. I need to suck it and just do the work so that when it is done I can go back to my own projects and build them up so that someday I won’t have to focus on making money for other people. I know what I need to do. So, I should just quit crying about it and get the work done.
I got a two-day extension on the project I’m trying to finish up and I STILL don’t know how I’m going to finish it.
And it doesn’t help that (because I’m staying at my partner’s house) I can’t just go and smoke whenever I am stressed. I feel like I shouldn’t smoke as much because I have to go outside and it’s cold out and the kids (adult kids and children kids) are judging me for smoking. Which I know is stupid. But it stresses me out.
Tried some CBD/THC vape. Waiting for it to kick in. Which it should have by now.
Ok. Fuck. I guess I’d better get back to it. These words aren’t going to write themselves…